Four Letter Word **trigger warning**

** trigger warning -- rape **

Numb,
From the waist down,
And all the way back up,
Shoves your head in a pillow,
You said no,
But it happens anyway,
Your eyes stare at the wall,
Can't stare at him anymore,
Lover, protector, perfect stranger,
Takes your innocence,
Shoves it in a sack,
Says no one will believe you,
And no one did,
So you hate yourself,
And you feel bad about sex,
So you just have it more and more and more and more,
Just to stop his face from creeping into your bed,
Under your pillow,
And strangling your pretty neck as you sleep,
Because the face has to be replaced,
Your skin has to be cleansed,
You have to be able to feel down there again one day,
But no one believed you,
So much so you don't even believe yourself
Maybe you were unclear on consent,
Maybe you imagined the whole thing,
But even when you convince yourself and scream from the hills it was all a nightmare,
Your subconscious punishes you on those sleepless nights,
Or when you smile too hard at a guy,
Or when you try and slip back into the BDSM you once loved but cry at the sight of a pathetic piece of rope,
Because someone tied your innocence up,
And they whipped it,
And they whipped you,
Because they couldn't respect you,
They can't understand no,
They did a lot for you, why couldn't you just open your legs?
A dick shoved in your forced shut mouth, lips retracted, shaking your head,
And you think maybe he didn't understand consent and that you were unclear?
And you punish yourself,
You tell no one,
You fuck everyone,
But as soon as someone mentions that four letter word,
A swarm of memories best forgotten,
Force your door open,
Slide down your throat,
Set your heart on fire,
And tells you no one will believe you