Why do I have to put up with this?
I hate that god damn look in your eye.
Why do you have to pin me down so fucking hard?
There is one hundred percent absolutely no need really.
So unnecessary. Everything about you is unnecessary.
Alright, yeah, whack the nipple clamps out, let's have a pain party.
Lie me on my back, yeah I get it it'll pinch a bit.
This isn't the doctors. Nipple clamps aren't vaccinations. We're good.
Done this a thousand times before, I know the god forsaken safe word.
Yes, yes, yes there are no boundaries when it comes to me, you adore me, blah blah blah, don't make me vomit, don't turn this night into a scat episode.
Alright yes, thank you getting the blind fold out I don't have to look you in the e- oh you're going to put it in my mouth? For fuck's sake
Say it with my eyes you tell me
But I'm not really sure how well sarcasm and disappointment transfer in eye to eye contact.
You're enjoying it anyway, bit of missionary it'll be over soon.
No regard for doggy style. My favourite. Once again. All you, you, you.
I get it I'm a sub, do what you want, blah blah blah.
But I'm sick of submitting to someone who smells simply ghastly below his untamed snail trail.
The snails were, undoubtedly, running from that smell.
No don't pull that plait, I spent ages on that, I have a date after this.
Really? You're going to use that belt on me? But it won't even make a mark...
Have it your way, you're the boss, you're the daddy, what the fuck ever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm your little girl, naughty girl, hoo haa, boo hoo, ouch no, don't that again, etc etc etc.
I'm not even going to act surprised that you bought a dildo, it's not like your member alone will suffice will it?
Look how smug you are when outside the bedroom you shit your pants at the sight of me.
We done yet?
Oh you've cum, oh well that makes one of us
... And we're not done, you're still going to use that thing on me.
Act interested, act interested, use the eyes, all about the eyes.
Can't help but stifle a smile at how hard you're trying to work oh my God.
I'm not humouring you I am just too nice for my own good, always gotta help daddy with feeling better, feeling himself, though I'd much rather you feel yourself than lose my hand in that amazon-like realm you call "a crotch"
Yes okay please get rip of these clips on my nipples
Yeah thanks for kissing it better, give me a plaster and some ice while you're there
Oh no sorry I can't have a cup of tea, I must go
Yeah sure, I'll call you, I always do, right?
Oh, dinner? Erm I don't think so
No I don't want to make a bigger deal about this
No I don't want to be any more than your slut
Sorry, yeah I never told you different
You were never anything more to me
Than a little security
When I was a little blue, a little down
Don't give me that frown
Don't meet my eye with such a countenance
You know I'm sorry, daddy
Don't punish your slut again, daddy.
Monday, March 30, 2015
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Some Nights
Some nights it's like you won't ever see the light again
Like the ebony black of the night has strangled the lightest part of your soul
Like your eyes are greyer around the edges than they used to be
And your smile doesn't reach your eyes like it used to
And some nights it feels like you won't wake up at all
Like some nights its not right if you do wake up
Gosh some nights I'm burdening other people's existence
Some nights I plague my own
And some nights I get attacked by my own past
And some nights there's no where I can turn
Some nights I'm left with keyboard and blog
And one night four years ago
I fucked up the happy future I could have had
And at the time I was so blind, so stupid
So naive,
That I couldn't and didn't know better
Entrusted myself into a man who
Called me beautiful, the first person to make me feel human, to make me feel something less than a monster
Nobody will know what it was like to be that kid
Bullied, spotty, fat, insecure, different,
I wasn't skinny, pretty or flaky like the other girls
And to this day I'm still not
I'm different
Some nights, I am that girl, watching the faces of men turn into the faces of wolves in a sheer blink of an eye,
But some nights I don't bow to he who calls me beautiful with a wink emoji
Because he's lying
I won't be that girl anymore
But frankly where I am is my own damn fault
And frankly some nights I'm sick of it, I make myself sick, and I vex myself
Some nights it's not damn fair that I get crucified for something that wasn't my sin
Some nights battling the war zone in my own mind is a fucking lost battle
Some nights I wonder why I even bother at all
Why I don't just give in
Because frankly nobody knows what it's like to try with people
Just to get shunned because of your train wreck of a past
And I'm sick of the thoughts spiralling in my head
That people don't even know they caused
Or care that they caused
Some nights there is a hand reaching from the darkness
Telling me it's okay, asking me to come with it
But I shun it
I need to deal with myself, I won't burden anyone else, my mistake was mine, and no I don't want to share, I don't want you to fix me or save me, I'm not asking for salvation, I'm asking for you to love me as I am, but no one ever could so
I shun it away
I shun every hope and chance of getting better away
Because anybody who gets close enough,
To helping me get better
Is threatened
By the monster in me
Some nights metamorphism doesn't just exist in Gothic novels
Sometimes it exists in our mind
Some nights the monsters under our bed
Cannot possibly compete with the ones in our head
Like the ebony black of the night has strangled the lightest part of your soul
Like your eyes are greyer around the edges than they used to be
And your smile doesn't reach your eyes like it used to
And some nights it feels like you won't wake up at all
Like some nights its not right if you do wake up
Gosh some nights I'm burdening other people's existence
Some nights I plague my own
And some nights I get attacked by my own past
And some nights there's no where I can turn
Some nights I'm left with keyboard and blog
And one night four years ago
I fucked up the happy future I could have had
And at the time I was so blind, so stupid
So naive,
That I couldn't and didn't know better
Entrusted myself into a man who
Called me beautiful, the first person to make me feel human, to make me feel something less than a monster
Nobody will know what it was like to be that kid
Bullied, spotty, fat, insecure, different,
I wasn't skinny, pretty or flaky like the other girls
And to this day I'm still not
I'm different
Some nights, I am that girl, watching the faces of men turn into the faces of wolves in a sheer blink of an eye,
But some nights I don't bow to he who calls me beautiful with a wink emoji
Because he's lying
I won't be that girl anymore
But frankly where I am is my own damn fault
And frankly some nights I'm sick of it, I make myself sick, and I vex myself
Some nights it's not damn fair that I get crucified for something that wasn't my sin
Some nights battling the war zone in my own mind is a fucking lost battle
Some nights I wonder why I even bother at all
Why I don't just give in
Because frankly nobody knows what it's like to try with people
Just to get shunned because of your train wreck of a past
And I'm sick of the thoughts spiralling in my head
That people don't even know they caused
Or care that they caused
Some nights there is a hand reaching from the darkness
Telling me it's okay, asking me to come with it
But I shun it
I need to deal with myself, I won't burden anyone else, my mistake was mine, and no I don't want to share, I don't want you to fix me or save me, I'm not asking for salvation, I'm asking for you to love me as I am, but no one ever could so
I shun it away
I shun every hope and chance of getting better away
Because anybody who gets close enough,
To helping me get better
Is threatened
By the monster in me
Some nights metamorphism doesn't just exist in Gothic novels
Sometimes it exists in our mind
Some nights the monsters under our bed
Cannot possibly compete with the ones in our head
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Nice Guys Don't Even Finish
Ever been hounded consistently by a "nice guy" who "just wants a chance" with you? "Please", "just try".
Tell me, what even is a "nice guy", because to me a nice guy is somebody who would say "fair enough" should I reject his advances and just respect my wishes.
Does anybody actually do that any more?
If I'm not interested, I am not going to pretend I am just to pity you. Why should I? Wouldn't leading you on be much worse than letting you go early?
It's true, you may treat me right and we may have a few laughs, but the whole thing would be an act out of pity, it's not what I want, and I would not ever be truly happy. Frankly, it's time to be selfish when it comes to situations like this.
Because no girl is obliged to say "yes" to anything you request. There is a freedom of choice. I do not want to date you, and none of your begging and whining will change that. Why should I have to endure time with you that I don't want, just so you can boast about getting a date? So you feel a little less lonely? You don't want me, you want companionship, and that's not good enough.
I hope this is not me being too empowered and heartless, but I don't understand why I should have to give somebody a chance. I don't want to, it is therefore my right not to.
Then, sometimes, they might appear to respect your request by saying "sure, we can just be friends", then add the dreaded two words "for now".
WHAT?
No, I want to be friends. Saying stupid things like that makes me not want to be any more, though.
Then you have to hear the martyr-like declaration of "friendzoned" status.
The friendzone does not exist.
If a girl wants to be friends, respect that. If it's too hard for you to be friends with a girl, then you aren't even man enough to have asked her out in the first place.
Yes it might hurt if you really liked her, but it's easier in the long run. Think about it, I'm sure you'd rather be let down gently now, than after a turbulent relationship that did not make her happy or like you more at all.
Why must people harass? A girl is unlikely to change her answer to a question you've asked previously 200 times.
Guys, be a nice guy. Like an actual one. Just take rejection on the chin. Don't mention the "f" word at all costs, and don't beg and beg and beg and beg, otherwise you will get blocked, which I'm sure is the furthest from the desired outcome you could ever be.
These days, "nice guys" don't even finish last, because they don't finish at all. Having to write the term "nice guys" so many times has given me a sense of vertigo, because the phrase is so meaningless today.
Tell me, what even is a "nice guy", because to me a nice guy is somebody who would say "fair enough" should I reject his advances and just respect my wishes.
Does anybody actually do that any more?
If I'm not interested, I am not going to pretend I am just to pity you. Why should I? Wouldn't leading you on be much worse than letting you go early?
It's true, you may treat me right and we may have a few laughs, but the whole thing would be an act out of pity, it's not what I want, and I would not ever be truly happy. Frankly, it's time to be selfish when it comes to situations like this.
Because no girl is obliged to say "yes" to anything you request. There is a freedom of choice. I do not want to date you, and none of your begging and whining will change that. Why should I have to endure time with you that I don't want, just so you can boast about getting a date? So you feel a little less lonely? You don't want me, you want companionship, and that's not good enough.
I hope this is not me being too empowered and heartless, but I don't understand why I should have to give somebody a chance. I don't want to, it is therefore my right not to.
Then, sometimes, they might appear to respect your request by saying "sure, we can just be friends", then add the dreaded two words "for now".
WHAT?
No, I want to be friends. Saying stupid things like that makes me not want to be any more, though.
Then you have to hear the martyr-like declaration of "friendzoned" status.
The friendzone does not exist.
If a girl wants to be friends, respect that. If it's too hard for you to be friends with a girl, then you aren't even man enough to have asked her out in the first place.
Yes it might hurt if you really liked her, but it's easier in the long run. Think about it, I'm sure you'd rather be let down gently now, than after a turbulent relationship that did not make her happy or like you more at all.
Why must people harass? A girl is unlikely to change her answer to a question you've asked previously 200 times.
Guys, be a nice guy. Like an actual one. Just take rejection on the chin. Don't mention the "f" word at all costs, and don't beg and beg and beg and beg, otherwise you will get blocked, which I'm sure is the furthest from the desired outcome you could ever be.
These days, "nice guys" don't even finish last, because they don't finish at all. Having to write the term "nice guys" so many times has given me a sense of vertigo, because the phrase is so meaningless today.
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