A World

So it's come to this once again,
Sitting with a cigarette in an ocean of disdain,
Talking you out of a mistake,
A mistake that would destroy all in its wake,
Destroy the world as I know it,
Strip me bare and throw me into a lion pit,
Curling into a ball on my garden floor,
Imagining you lying there in a pool of gore,
Begging and pleading, but not in the way I want to be,
Just begging and pleading you to stay with me,
Sometimes you disappear,
And I'm forced to fear,
Waking up in a world that doesn't have you,
Waking up in a world that's cruel and new,
And I have to confront the nightmares,
As the ghost of you dares,
To crawl into my bed at night,
And refuses to turn out the light,
And give my nipples a cheeky bite,
To remind me that for me you couldn't fight,
Because there are a million things you have yet to see,
From this world together we can flee,
You just have to hold my hand and trust me,
Death would never be the key.
And if I should ever have to stop imagining a world without you,
And I'd have to start to confront that world 'cause its true.

I read your writing,
It's as good as mine,
But it provoked a feeling in me,
A feeling quite sublime,
Because I've been loving you too much,
And you've been needing me too little,
While I've been getting passionate over you,
You've been getting passionate over someone else,
And all the tears that I've cried,
The little ones you'll never hear,
Dropped indeed, into an ocean of disdain,
But also into a deeper sea of inner pain.
I know you hurt, but I hurt too,
I look into your eyes, your soul, but you look straight through,
I could curl up into a ball one thousand times,
I could pray for you,
I could write you rhymes,
But the way my hair falls will never be beautiful as hers,
And the way I smile won't thrill you in the same way,
And my lipstick won't disobey my lips,
Because despite my bosom, the lips I lack,
You could've cut me some slack,
I did my best for you,
But bests aren't good enough when you're at the back of the queue,
I could save your life a thousand times,
But I won't have the sweet ass like her,
I could grow my nails,
Just to rip out my heart,
Give you on your birthday,
Twelfth of June by the way,
Just to have you put it in a box,
And give it to her another day.

It's not the competition I care about,
It's the lies.
Love is difficult I get it,
But when I look into your eyes,
A thousand words plague my mind at once,
And only the dumbest escape.
I know I'm doomed,
But I flee to my fate,
Because a world without you,
Would be a world diseased with darkness.
No shared cigarettes,
Dirty, little cigarettes.
And I've been working on this writing,
For a matter of weeks,
So the rhyming pattern is distorted,
And it makes no fucking sense,
But the thought of you upsets me,
But warms me at the same time,
And I need to get it down on a dumbass blog post,
How much I pine,
How much you mean,
How little I do,
You're not the only one with a fucked up mind,
You just can't see that,
And while it's difficult for you,
It's difficult for me too,
A world without you,
Wouldn't be a world without me,
But it would be a world,
Without any chance of happiness,
Because every fucking day of my life,
I'd spend wondering what if,
And sometimes I feel like,
Walking away is the only way,
I can be safe again,
Far away, from you,
From her,
From that writing that,
Is really, very good,
And I wish,
You felt like that,
About me,
But you don't,
So maybe,
A world without you,
Won't be your choice,
But mine,
And maybe,
I will be just fine,
In a world without you,
Maybe not,
But I can't,
Feel for someone who,
Feels for someone else,
How I feel about them.